me on a period week:
me on a period week:
I just don’t get it. My sister was a druggie and an alcoholic for damn near 20 years. She has fucked my family over more times than I can count, and always in new, creative ways. She’s finally gotten herself straightened out and back on her feet, but about two years ago she started having horrible medical problems. These medical problems have now recently caused her to lose her job (she’s been a waitress for the past 20 years), which means she can’t pay rent, which resulted in her getting evicted WHICH MEANS- she and her 2 hellions are moving into my house! My sister and I are 18 years apart. The last time we shared a home was for a period of a few weeks/ months when I was 2, and she had just given birth to her first child at age 19. Oh yeah, by the way she’s only a half sister. Her parents got divorced; we share a father.
When I was 4 years, and 4 days old she had her second child, and shortly after that kid’s 3rd birthday, she went off the deep-end, yet again, and my parents gained custody of the child. So, first, she steals my childhood by inadvertently shoving her 2nd bastard child into my life, and stealing my child hood so this kid could have one. I had to grow up early. By 11 I was cooking, and cleaning, and taking care of everyone. On one hand I wouldn’t give up that experience. It taught me to be independent and how to get by, but at the same time, I never got to be a kid. I had to be this kid’s mom because his real mom wouldn’t, and my at the time alcoholic father was too much of an asshole to do anything to contribute to the family other than earn a paycheck, so my mom was always picking up after his stupid ass, while training me to be a “mini-mom” so the kids wouldn’t go without. Meanwhile forgetting that I was also a child at the time. Not that anyone gave a flying fuck.
So now that she’s moving in with her kids, my sister has had the whole house in upheaval for the past month. And while all of this shit is happening, like always, no one has bothered to ask me how I feel about any of this. Don’t get me wrong, dis spite the tone of this post, I truly do love and care about my sister, but she’s a pain in the ass. It’s taken me a very long time to grow close, and fond of her. Granted, she’s not given me a whole lot of reason to be that fond of her, but over the past few years while she’s been recovering she’s grown a lot. A few weeks ago she even apologized for stealing my childhood, and I know that took a lot, and I accepted her apology verbally, but in my heart it’s just not enough. It’s going to take a whole lot more than that. Especially considering that it seems like every time she makes one of these big apologies, she does something else that makes everyone that much more miserable or angry. She’ll apologize for stealing my childhood, then treat me like a child. I don’t know if she’s trying to make up for it, or if she just sees me as a child, but either way it makes me livid. I’m not a child. I’m 17 years old, and worse than that I’ve had to act like a 17 year old since I was 10. I get that she’s trying to make amends, but the time for giving me a childhood has passed. That ship sailed 10 years ago when she dumped her kid on my doorstep so she could go get high with her buddies and enjoy her extended childhood. Not only did she steal mine so her kid could have one, she stole theirs so she wouldn’t have to grow up. And I hate that. That she thinks she’s justified everything, and that she’s made up for things when really she’s hardly even begun atoning for the things she’s done. I hate it. And my parents are so pre-occupied trying to provide for the 13 year old, and her 4 year old, no one ever asked me what I thought about any of this. no one took the time to make sure I was okay. To make sure that I wasn’t upset. No one cared, and no one cares. No one has ever bothered to make sure that I was cared for, that I was happy. They spend as much time as they can with the kids, and my older brother, who is a fuck-up in the making. They spare no expense on them, but I never get anything. I’m not shallow, I don’t care about material things, but I’ve counted Christmas presents every year since I was 8. I have always gotten the least amount of presents in both quantity, and quality. The 13 year old and my older brother alternate between the most gifts, but I ALWAYS get less than both of them. And through out the year it isn’t made up.
- I turned 17 in September, I didn’t get a party. I got 2 cards, one of which was from my parents. I received soap and and handkerchiefs for my birthday. Half of my family forgot my birthday. And it wasn’t until 8:30 PM on my birthday when I started to make my own, that anyone realized that no one had bothered to get me a cake, so my dad took me to the grocery store and I got to pick one out.
- My sister’s child turned 13 four days after I turned 17. He got 3 parties. One on his birthday at home with my parents and myself, one from my half sister’s mother, and one that my sister threw him. I don’t know how many gifts he got, but I know some of them were things he was given last year and never opened. He got, obviously, 3 cakes.
- My half sister has been talking about, and gearing up for his birthday since August and made sure every remembered when the time came.
- She completely forgot my birthday. She gave me a “Belated” birthday present two weeks after my birthday. She gave me one of her old Barbie dolls.
I don’t know what the point of all of this is. I’m just pissed off and have absolutely no one to talk to. On top of this one of the few positive things in my life, was totally ripped apart. There’s this guy in my college English class that I really liked and I thought liked me back, but then I discovered via the demon cesspool that is Facebook that he has a girlfriend. On top of THAT the only other guy that I’ve liked that I actually had a chance with is constantly giving me hot and cold and I never know what I’ll get. I’m tired of waiting, and I’m tired of be lonely. I’m sick and tired of being forgotten by everyone. All of my friends left for college and I’m stuck here in this backwoods suburb of hell all by myself. Everyone makes a great talk about how nothing will change, how we’ll always be friends, and they’ll keep in touch, but no ever does. Every single person I held dear, and called a close friend has moved on with their lives, while I’m stuck behind them still in high school. Waiting for the blessed day when i FINALLY get to walk away and never have to look back on, or return to this god forsaken hell hole. I’m tired of having no one around. I’m home schooled too, so it’s not like I can just start sitting at a different lunch table every day. I don’t have a room with 300 other people to choose from. I have 20 people left, most of which don’t like me, or I don’t like them for reasons I don’t feel like getting into.
Almost There - Princess And The Frog ( First video, yeah!! ) (by Marion Jackson)
|PURPLE:||We near never speak, but I do enjoy your presence on my dashboard.|
|FUCHSIA:||I wish I could become your best friend through the internet.|
|GREY:||You leave me with jumbled words.|
|RED:||I'm in love with you.|
|PINK:||I have a crush on you.|
|CHARTREUSE:||I sincerely wish you would notice me.|
|TEAL:||We have quite a lot in common.|
|BLUE:||You are my Tumblr crush.|
|ORANGE:||I dislike your page.|
|YELLOW:||PLEASE FUCK ME.|
|WHITE:||PLEASE MARRY ME.|
|GREEN:||I find you cute.|
|BLACK:||I would date you.|
|BROWN:||I dislike you.|